Lately Semana Santa/Spring Break

{Semana Santa es un tiempo para... pensar, reflexionar, beber, irse de la ciudad por unos días, etc.

No para mí. Tuve que trabajar y por un lado estoy muy agradecida: Tengo trabajo y me gusta el silencio y ver la ciudad (bah, escribir en español me resulta frustrante y tedioso. Nunca encuentro la palabra correcta) desierta. No hay tapones, no hay mucha gente, se siente la tranquilidad y la paz EN la ciudad. Es refrescante... }

For me, Spring Break wasn't a time to think and reflect. I think (all the time, way too damn much) and reflect from time to time, like 'lately'. 'Lately' is the time line I will be using instead of Spring Break, because it wasn't Religion, or Easter that has brought this on. Like many other times, 'Lately' was brought on by Life, itself.

Lately I've been bouncing back and forth through some emotions,
lately, I've been struggling with myself.
Lately, I've been harshly honest,
Lately, I've felt love
Lately, I've admired kids and children,
Lately I've thought about you,
Lately I've forgotten you.

Lately, I've felt f r e e.
Lately I've loved myself more than no one ever has and ever could,
Lately I've felt HAPPY, exhilaratingly happy, happier than I thought possible in this past year.
Lately I've told a very important secret, and I felt bad about it anyway, like I tend to do.

Lately I've been Social Networking and Preaching what I (try to) practice,
and also trying to practice what I preach. Which isn't always easy.

Lately I've petted kittens and dogs, kissed my nephews and told everyone I know how much I appreciate them,
Lately, and not always I've heard the same thing back or felt it was true.
Lately, I haven't given a damn about it, because I don't care, and it DOESN'T matter.

Lately, I've been trying to live life, instead of listening or thinking.
Lately, I've been ripping the band-aids off my skin,
Lately, I've poured alcohol over my wounds and stuffed them with gauze,
and wrapped them again with tape and some bubble wrap.

Lately, I've been given a chance to live. Every day, ANOTHER day.
Lately, I forgot what I was just about write (instead of this, again).
Lately, I've actually lived, gone out and enjoyed myself.
Lately, I've been writing again, a lot. And I've loved every word I've written.

Lately, I feel blessed even when I have crappy days,
like today, because I am alive, because Dogs exist,
because I have the greatest family anyone could ever wish or ask for,
because 'Friends' might and do exist outside a 90's (half crappy) TV show.

Because there are Stars,
there's a Moon, and a Sun.
Because there's a Universe.

Lately, I've confirmed that to me the little things mean more than 1 big thing can.
Because EVERY big thing is made out of little things.
Lately, I've felt like myself again, and I've loved it.

Lately, I've been trying to make it a habit of eating breakfast everyday, for the first time in years.
Lately I've been shaking with laughter.

Lately, I've been having such a great time that it has kept me awake, just remembering it.

Lately, I've thrown 'Caution','Care' and 'Carefulness' out the window and watched them shatter and break,
because no matter how much Caution I use, how Careful I am and how much I care,
things are still gonna happen the way they're going to happen.

Lately, I've tried to drill in my head, that making mistakes is ok because even if they hurt, you learn from them, and you have what you need to not make them again.

Lately, I've been teaching myself to enjoy every moment of my life that I can, because (you never know how) soon, and someday it'll be over, for real, that time.
Pine box, Six Feet Under kind of real, over.

Lately, I've realized how much I missed going out, writing and just BEING me.

Lately, I've also realized how much change happens within yourself,
Lately, I've been making changes.
Lately, I've listened to great songs.

Lately, I've confirmed another thought: You DON'T have to like me, chances are, I probably don't like you either. And I don't care, you shouldn't either. Because I DO like me, and THAT'S what matters.

Lately, it has dawned on me that life is about those things and people you DO like.
But life is about YOURSELF, because no one else will live and die for you.

Lately, I have found myself becoming one of those "I'll burn that bridge when I get to it" kind of person,
and I like it. Even if I burn my bridges "shore to shore" when I ignite them.

Lately, I've booked a round trip for myself, to go ALONE somewhere, just because I can.
And I intend to enjoy every single s e c o n d of it.

Lately, I've repeated to myself that I WON'T apologize or say: 'I'm Sorry' when I am not at fault.
Because even if I -am sorry- I am right.
And I will be RIGHT even when it's WRONG to be right.
Because that's WHO I am, because that IS what I am, and because I believe in that.

And I will fight to the death, for that one thing I believe in.

Lately I've sat on a swing, and swung higher than ever before,
Lately, the tic in my right eye has disappeared, for the first time in 5 months.
Lately, I've scribbled random stuff on myself with a pink Sharpie.

Lately, I've watched the Sunrise,
Lately, I've admired the Stars,
Lately, I've rubbed my Buddha's Belly, and My Own, for luck as well as for kicks.

Also, Lately I have decided that I don't care too much if you read this post, because I wrote it anyway.
Lately, I don't care if you will review it, because if you don't, I will.

Lately, even if I won't beg for a comment, I will still appreciate it and thank you for taking the time to read me and review it.

And even if you don't,
I will still love you, just a little less.

But I guess, how you see things it's what really matters, right?

At least... Lately.

Love, Always,
Always, Always.
Tiziana.